


There is no us.

by WordsOfHeart



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, does your stomach hurt ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsOfHeart/pseuds/WordsOfHeart
Summary: "Because there is no us. "The message shines in bold black writing, screen sending light into his tired eyes and making them struggle to stay open. Sander reads the text from Robbe repeatedly, unable to chase away the thought that he has ruined everything he had been building for the past two months.Or, the thoughts going through Sander's mind as he recieves Robbe's text, followed by the confession to his mom that he no longer wants to be with Britt because he is in love with a pretty boy.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 32
Kudos: 328





	1. Chapter 1

_"Because there is no us. "_

The message shines in bold black writing, screen sending light into his tired eyes and making them struggle to stay open. Sander reads the text from Robbe repeatedly, unable to chase away the thought that he has ruined everything he had been building for the past two months. Images of Robbe flashes through his mind: the moonlight reflecting on his beautiful face, his soft plump lips against his damp forehead, his fingers intertwining with his, the warmth of his skin, the delicateness of his hands against his body. Sander could not believe that all he had ever dreamt of was now only a sour memory that would remain in the past. Robbe did not want him anymore. What had happened at the hotel had been to much for him to handle. He scared Robbe away, just like he had always dreaded. Sander's shattered breaths, his wedding suggestions and his little naked adventure to get some burgers had been too much. Robbe did not want to be around mentally ill people and Sander could not be loved.

As thoughts keep going on and on in Sander's busy mind, he curls onto himself, pulling his legs towards his chest and holding them tightly. He shuts his eyes to block away the tears, feeling his own heart being stabbed.

Maybe if he had died that night, he could have been happy for infinity.

Right as he feels himself drifting away, he hears the slight noise of the door of his hospital room creek open. He prays that Britt is not standing by his side, because he can't handle it right now. He can't handle the idea of standing up for himself. He lets out a heavy breath of relief as he recognizes the footsteps of his mom.

Sander's mom is a brave woman. She is kind and very caring, but ever since he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder three years ago, things had changed. The conversations filled with laughter that they used to have, were now always tinted with concern. She had become overprotective. Sander could not blame her, because he did pull scary things a few times, but he missed the friendship they shared. Sander now felt more like a burden and that's exactly why he was trying to keep his diagnosis from Robbe. He did not want Robbe to let his mental illness define him. Sander was not his disorder, he was so much more than that. He was an art loving, music loving, David Bowie obsessed young man, with dreams that filled his mind and crazy amounts of love to give. Those are the only things he wanted Robbe to see.

"I brought you some food baby. I know you have a hard time eating what they give you."

He hears the soft voice of his mom ring into his ears as she wiggles out of her rain jacket. She sits on the chair right by Sander's bed, letting the fresh bag of food rest on the nightstand by Sander's bed. She gently runs a hand through her son's bleach blond hair, knowing it had always done wonders to soothe him down.

"I spoke to Britt. She says she'll come by later to keep you company. You're lucky you have a girl like her around." His mom whispers, not realizing the heaviness of her words.

Sander feels his entire body shiver and can sense his breath stopping. The last person he wants to see right now is Britt. The girl who had always seen him as inferior. The girl who had always defined him as his illness. The girl who had always spoke to him as he was this broken art piece she needed to fix. Sander does not realize the whimpers that escape his lips before his mom mentions hearing them.

"Oh Sander. It's alright to feel low baby, you know your mood will end up perking up now that they balanced your dosage of medication. Maybe I could get back home and grab your laptop. You could watch a movie with Bri…"

Sander panics. He needs to say something. He knows he will not be able to survive one second more with the presence of his intoxication ex-girlfriend.

"Mama…Stop." Sander breaths out faintly, surprised that the words came out as he had hoped. He searches for her hand and gives it a light squeeze, eyes finally focusing on her own. "Britt and I…We…I…We're not together anymore. She keeps insisting that we are and that I must be manic, that I will realize just how much I love her once I get my senses back. She got in my brain mama. I even wondered myself if she was right, but she is not. I know she is not. I tried going back to her and I tried kissing her." Sander speaks out painfully, placing his mom's hand against his heart. "I might have been manic yeah, but I know what I feel right here."

His mom listens closely to every single one of his words. She doesn’t stop him from expressing his feelings. She simply keeps her hand against her son's chest, tearful smile as she feels his heartbeat increase, reminding her that she has not lost her baby, no matter how scared she had been two nights before hand.

"Please don't make me see her again. Please mama, please." Sander begs, feeling completely stuck in his own torments.

His mother brushes a tear away from Sander's cheek with the tip of her thumb, giving him a small nod. She knows from her son's focused eyes that he is no longer manic, and she knows that she can trust his feelings. In the end, Sander has the biggest heart she had ever seen.

"It's about this boy I saw the other night, right? That boy for who you booked a hotel with my credit card?"

Sander nods in defeat, covering his tearful face with both his hands. His heart was aching so badly he had not idea how he could ever feel redeemed. He was starting to believe things would simply never get better for him.

Maybe loneliness was his happy ending.

One thing was for sure, it was always better than having to be by Britt's side for the rest of his life.

"Is that boy special for you? Does he make your stomach hurt?" His mother asks as she points her own abdomen, looking at her son with a sad smile.

"It's like a good pain though. A pain that makes the knots in my gut untangle. A pain that makes me want to be alive in infinite universes. But it's over now…I scared him away. He does not want to be with me anymore." Sander groans, chin quivering as he once again tries to keep himself from crying.

Slowly, his mother connects the dots. The young boy with whom her son was minutes before was the kid standing on the sidewalk looking terrified and shouting Sander's name last Friday. It was the same boy who Britt had excused herself from the medics to go see. The same boy who had tears in his eyes as he stared at her with terror and empathy in his spheres. The boy who Britt had walked up to with a rage so lively, it could of have destroyed anyone passing by.

"Sleep darling. It will make things better, I promise." His mom gently reassures him as she presses a light kiss against his sweaty forehead, exactly like Robbe would do for him.

Sander shrugs, keeping his knee's locked against his chest as his mom slowly pulls the thin stack of blankets against her son's shivering body. She waits for his breathing to have calmed down, making sure he is fast asleep. Sander's thoughts keep rolling on repeat in his mind, but he is unconscious enough to allow his mom to grab his phone without noticing. She does not have to go through the messages long before she notices the name Robbe with a heart emoji next to it in his contact list. She presses one last kiss to the top of Sander's scalp before dialing the number and stepping out of the room, waiting for an answer.


	2. One phone call away

She calls three times before finally getting a hold of Robbe. As the call starts, she does not quite know what to expect. She has a well imagined plan in mind but is ready for interruptions. She is hopping for one very specific thing though: getting this boy to Sander's side, no matter the cost. One thing she is not ready for, is the hoarseness of the young teenager's voice. She assumes that maybe he has spent a lot of time crying and very little minutes sleeping.

"Please…stop calling me. I'm so damn confused Sander…"

His mom can feel the heavy amount of pain in that voice even if the boy is not in front of her. It seems obvious by the small breaths he takes between his words. It sounds like the kid is about to break down. She takes a deep exhale, picking her first words very carefully. The last thing she wants is to startle the kid.

"Robbe right? This is not Sander. This is his mother, Helena. I know I called a few times already, but you weren't answering, and I really wanted to get a hold of you before Sander wakes up."

She stops talking as she hears a long exhale on the other side line. She knows very well that what she had just said must have had an impact. Before she can start talking again, Robbe's voice takes over their conversation.

"I'm so sorry…so so sorry. I had no idea he was manic. I just thought he was starstruck by all the feelings. I felt like that too you know, like nothing could stop us. The hotel, I should have known." Robbe was speaking fast, making it hard for Sander's mom to keep up with everything he was saying. "I told him it was expensive, but I guess I wanted to believe that maybe I deserved the happiness? It was selfish, I know. After everything we had been through, it seemed like we needed a break. I was thinking that maybe…just maybe… life was putting a stop to all the bullshit she had thrown at me. I'm sorry, I shouldn't swear." Helena stays silent as she listens, wondering if it was a habit for the boy to say sorry so frequently for things that were out of his control. "I just want you to know that my feelings for Sander were very real, I mean shit…fuck…I said a bad word again. Sorry…I mean they are real. I never wanted to hurt him, or cause issues…between Britt and your son." Robbe apologized once more, begging for the forgiveness of a women he did not even know. "Can you please just tell me if he is alright? Please, please just tell me if he's going to be alright? I'll leave him alone afterwards I promise. I just…I need an answer. Please…I'll do anything" Robbe spoke, voice breaking more and more as he started begging for a reply from his mother.

Helena nibbles on her fingers, surprised by everything she is hearing. She knows for a fact that Robbe never had the intentions of giving up on her son. It had to be something that happened between him and Britt. She slowly walks down the hall of the hospital, settling down in one of the green leather chairs against the wall. She runs a hand through her brown hair which she had not yet washed since Friday’s events. She tries to choose the right words even though her brain is heavily sleep deprived, wanting to do everything in her power to bring Robbe to her hurting son's side. She concentrates as she forms her next sentence, knowing the next few seconds of their conversation would be crucial.

"Sander is alright. He is safe. Depressed, but safe. He told me about you and about how much he cares for you, which is why I called you Robbe. I think someone gave you the bad information on what exactly bipolar disorder is. A mental illness does play tricks to your brain, but it never, ever, affects the realness of your heart." She says to the teenager, never haven believed in words so much. "We are at the _Boekenberg paramedical center_ on _Cruyslei_ street. I really, really think Sander could use the company of someone who he cares for so deeply."

Once again, Helena keeps close attention to what is happening on the other side of the phone. She hears the whimpers and the heavy breaths, knowing what they meant before Robbe even pronounced his following words.

"When can I come?"

She won.

_____________

Sander's moment of serenity did not last long. His thoughts quickly became too loud, pulling him out of his peaceful sleep and dragging him back into his tornado of anxiety. He was now resting on his back, starring at the ponderous ceiling. He felt like the walls were slowly getting closer, ready to trample down on him and swallow him alive. Sander needed out, but he knew they only person who could bring him back had vanished. He surprises himself as he jumps in shock, feeling fingers gently wrap around his thin arm. He had not even noticed that his mother was back in his room.

"Shh…I did not want to scare you Sander. I kind of did something. I hope you won't be mad at me for going behind your back. I love you baby…I'll be back in an hour...Or sooner if you need me." Helena leans down and presses the softest kiss to her son's cold cheek before once again, allowing herself to step out of the room.

This time though, Sander is not left alone. The second his mother walks out, he can sense the presence of someone else slowly approach his bed. Sander painfully turns his head to the side, wanting to see the nurse who was probably coming to give him his daily dosage of pills. What Sander does not expect, is his eyes to stop on the most beautiful human he had ever came across. His jaw drops, tears immediately filling his exhausted eyes.

"Ro…bbe." The name comes out as a sob, but Sander no longer cares. He knows he might be dreaming and that his mind is maybe playing tricks on him again, but this feels real and he wants to be a fool and believe. The image that Sander thinks will vanish to dust gets closer and closer, which makes him think that maybe what he is seeing is not just a fantasy his brain has created.

Maybe Robbe, with his beautiful tearful spheres, his cute burgundy beany and his soft brown suede jacket, is really standing over his bed in this universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes part 2 is up :) 
> 
> Sooooo next chapter will really be the fluffy one I promise!!
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day, what can I say. 
> 
> Beaucoup d'amour !
> 
> Sabrina Xx


	3. 5 stars on booking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you so much for the love you guys! Here is finally the reunion part :) Love you all !

"Can…Can I hug you?" Robbe asks, tears haven already blurred his own vision completely.

Sander did not quite understand why Robbe was in his hospital room, looking as exhausted as ever. The boy had been convinced that he would never see his boyfriend again. Robbe's last text message had not been the sweetest and the high level of discuss had been obvious to Sander's ears. Scared to let go of what he is currently experiencing, Sander decides to put all his hesitations aside to focus on the rawness of the moment. There is nothing he wants more than to have Robbe close. It's the one thing he has been craving ever since he was admitted here. Therefore, before scaring the other boy away, Sander nods to his question, knowing every single word he would speak would come out as a sobbing mess of gibberish.

With barely one second of hesitation, Robbe walks up even closer to Sander and lets his suede jacket slip off his shoulders. He allows the piece of clothing to fall against the metallic chair by the bed, wanting to feel the other boy completely. He also takes the time to wiggle out of converses, wanting to fully snuggle into that thin blanket with the boy he is in love with. Once he feels like he has fully dropped his guard, Robbe sits on the edge of the mattress, giving Sander a faint smile. He couldn't stop the tears from dwelling into his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to be here in this exact moment.

Sander's stares at Robbe with his eyes wide, terrified that his current vision would vanish. He slowly lifts the sheet in which he is securely wrapped, meaning it as an invitation for Robbe to come under with him. Robbe allows his body to succumb to the request. He lays down and pulls the blanket on both their bodies. Once he realizes that Sander seems comfortable with their current position, Robbe gently wraps his arms around the other boy's neck, allowing Sander to fully burry his face into his chest. Robbe presses his chin against the top of the bleach blonde’s head, hopping that he couldn't feel how badly it was quivering.

Sander pushes his nose as firmly as he can against Robbe's torso, inhaling the sent of his lover. His hands crawl up to Robbe's shoulder blades, taking the fabric of his t-shirt between his fingers. He holds onto the textile so firmly; his knuckles turn a light shade of purple. Robbe can feel the sharp nails dig into his skin, but he does not dare to even wince. He knows how important holding Sander is right now and he is not letting go, no matter the cost. Robbe starts biting on his lips as the minutes go by, trying so hard not to cry. He wants to be strong, because he admires how Sander has kept himself together for such a long time. He can feel how the older boys body start to shake as the whimpers become louder, but he only squeezes Sander tighter. The proximity makes Sander allow the tears to fall. He still does not quite understand why Robbe is with him, but the idea of him leaving again is one of the most terrifying thoughts he has ever encountered. He no longer blocks the sobs, no longer fears abandonment or judgement. He admits that he needs to be one hundred percent transparent and that if there is a thin chance that Robbe is willing to give their relationship another shot, he does not want to fuck it up. Robbe let's one single crystal tear fall along his cheek, ache in his heart too big. He applies a small kiss to the top of Sander's head, fingers gently brushing through his hair.

"I'm right here…I'm not letting go…I'm not ever letting you go. Sander…You are not alone. I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. I'm so sorry you did not trust me enough to let me know about this part of you. Never again, will I make you feel, like you are not enough. " Robbe whispers against the boy’s temple, desperately needing him to hear those words.

Sander slowly pulls away from Robbe's chest, letting his eyes investigate his. He notices just how much Robbe seems to be hurting as well. He wishes he could take all his pain away and suck it in for himself. He untangles his left hand from the back of his boyfriend’s shirt, letting it crawl until it lays delicately onto his cheek. Blinking one eye at a time, Sander feels like he is seeing right through Robbe's soul. He breathes in deeply, letting both their foreheads touch.

"I would give you 5 stars on _booking.com._ " Sander smirks though his tears.

Robbe snorts, hating himself for ever doubting just how much this beautiful soul loves him.

"You and I forever Sander."

"In every universe?"

"In an infinity of universes baby."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you sooooo much for reading beautiful souls :)
> 
> Kudos and Comments make my day, what can I say. 
> 
> Beaucoup d'amour !  
> Sabrina Xx


End file.
